In this episode of Feedback Fix, Collette Revere talks with Melisse Prusinski, clinical hypnotherapist and co-founder of Watershed Wellness Co-op, about reshaping the wellness space in ways that challenge traditional power dynamics. From her days in the churn-and-burn treatment world to co-creating an ownership-driven model, Melisse shares what happens when feedback is built into the foundation—not just the process.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
This conversation is for anyone who's ever questioned the systems we operate in—and wondered what might be possible if we built something different.
Watch the episode on YouTube or listen on Spotify or Apple.
Collette: Okay. Welcome to feedback fix where we get real about the messy conversations that move us forward. We are a live podcast, which means no scripts, no do overs, just unfiltered, honest conversations happening as they unfold. Today, I'm very excited to introduce our guest, Melisse Prusinski. She is a clinical hypnotherapist and co founder of Watershed Wellness Co-op in Nashville, Tennessee. Melisse, welcome to the show!
Melisse: Hi. Thanks.
Collette: So you have such an interesting job, will you tell us more about what you do? PS, I love uh, Ron. What's his name back there. She's got a cardboard cut out of the anchor man right behind her.
Melisse: Yeah, not Ron Jeremy.
Collette: That's what I said earlier. Wrong, wrong, Ron. Ron. Okay, so tell us about what you do.
Melisse: Um, well, I'm a co founder of the watershed wellness Co Op, so we are a Wellness Center in Middle Tennessee. We're the first worker and client owned Wellness Center. So yeah, that's one thing I do, and then I've also been a marriage and family therapist. I love doing hypnotherapy, so I try to do just hypnosis clients now and then I supervise for state licensure for other therapists too, but a lot of my time is spent doing the co op and getting that going.
Collette: What's the favorite part of your job?
Melisse: The favorite part of my job, I think, is the dreaming and creating. And, you know, coming up with new we have a thing called the wash, which is an intensive where it's like, six clients and six practitioners, and we switch, or coming up with intensives where it's like, you don't have to go to treatment for 28 days. You can come for a shorter amount of time, so doing those creative pieces, and then bringing everyone together from like, various walks of life, and hearing everyone's ideas and like, what can happen when people are listened to? And like, what would you want in this space? Okay, we'll do it. We can make it happen. So I it just feels like playing with your friends and amazing. It almost seems like it shouldn't be allowed, but it's great, good.
Collette: So you have a really interesting business model, like you're doing things differently than other therapy groups and wellness groups. Can you explain that a little bit?
Melisse: Yeah. So really, I mean, the model is really based on having true ownership for for clients, for their health and for the health care practitioners that are giving them, you know what they need, using their skills. So like, we can't ask a client to learn how to regulate their nervous system, if their own health care worker is, like, worried about making the bills or not making enough money or even a living wage, and they're paying all these grad school loans. So it's really about changing that model of because coming from the treatment center world or a hospital world, they just expect so much turnover, just part of what they expect. Okay, someone just goes and works there until they get their hours. Like, it's like, you know, churn and burn, churn and burn. And it was like, What if people actual, actually made enough money and felt like they could use their voice? Because also in those treatment centers, there's so much talk of like, well, if I was in charge, this is how I would do it. Admission should be doing it this way. Like, why aren't they giving this to the clients? Oh, well. And so there's and so it's like, if you're profit sharing, if everyone's profit sharing, you are more likely to speak up and ask for what you need. And the people that are working directly with the clients, they have more access to what the clients actually need. But we also have another model, where the clients get to vote on a portion of the surplus. So the clients get a say in what their care is, like the portion of the surplus, they can say, if they want changes to the building we have enough surplus at one point, moving to another building, a bigger building, or even, like we would like more people that are doing brain spotting, or they get a say in what services they're actually getting. That's
Collette: Really amazing. Melisse, what inspired you to do this, or possessed you to do this? I don't know, depending on the day, right?
Melisse: Oh, because of feedback, someone gave me feedback, and it changed my life forever. The questionable story.
Collette: Melisse, yeah. No, it really is.
Melisse: It was like, why you asked me to be on here,
Collette: I know, but I don't know your story. I thought you were into season. So seriously, that's how you started the co-op.
Melisse: Yeah. Well, so I started the co-op because I found a building that I wanted to work in as a therapist. That was a and, and I, and I thought my original plan was like, I can't afford this many rooms in this building on my own. Let me get a few other people I know, and we'll rent rooms, and then we'll sublet them out, like that was the original plan. But you know, once you've been in private practice for around 10 years, normal thing that you would do is start a group practice. I have friends who have group practices, so I was like, Well, why don't I just, do you know, a group practice? Like, I'm gonna so that was a thought. That was kind of a thought, yeah, talking to my other co founder, Collins, it was just us two, and, like, the very beginning time to talking and her feedback to me being like, wait, what percentage are you going to take from the practitioners you're going to hire? She was like, you don't feel bad doing like you don't. That was in that opened my world. And I was like, I don't know, and it's something in my gut. Was like, yeah, why haven't I done this yet? I couldn't put the words to it. But I think somewhere in my knowing, I knew that it didn't align with my values, but I hadn't, like, thought about it, and then I was like, okay, okay, like, we'll just, we'll just sublet rooms, but, and I had a lot of resistance to the co op model. I was like, that just sounds like a bunch of hippies having meetings all the time. Like, I don't, I'm here to make some money, and so, like, I was, like, businesses for money, like, what and her gently offering me feedback of what you're saying right now is different than what I think of you as a person. What you're saying is, like, we're, like, going to take this, you know, you're going to take this money and profit off of it. And everyone's just, like, really lucky to get some clinical expertise from you, or they're really lucky that you planned it all out. And so her really saying that what I was thinking was just the norm, you're pointing out to me and giving me the feedback that it doesn't, she it didn't, it didn't match what she thought of me. Yeah? Like, yeah. So that that was, like, kind of hard to hear. Or when someone says to you directly, you are exploiting people, it's kind of here, yeah?
Collette: So, especially when your career is helping people you really care about that. That must have been shocking Melisse, because you know who you are is this caring, loving, therapeutic presence in the room, and like you said, you're just trying to make a living because it is hard, it's a hard industry to really make a living at. And so when, when she said that about the way that she sees you, and what did that do for the way you saw yourself in that moment?
Melisse: Well, I mean, it's interesting, because I wouldn't think that I'm one of the one of my strengths is not taking feedback. Well, that wouldn't be one of my strengths. I think, better at giving feedback. I have a certain protocol I follow when I give feedback. And I have a certain protocol if someone asked me, if someone says, Can I offer you feedback, I'll say you can. But do these things because I know what works for me, but I tend to get defensive, and I tend to explain all the reasons of where I'm thinking I'm coming from. So of course I got defensive, and of course I wanted to go compile data to prove my point. And then when I went to compile the data to prove my point, I found out that some really positive things about co ops, and it just opened up my mind, you know, like, there's longevity with co ops people are there's less there's more of a retention from the workers. Clients have more referrals. Clients stay longer you can. And the idea of, like, you don't have to do all the work. People can jump in if they're interested in it. So, like, in a normal practice, like I would have to be so in charge of making sure the website's good. And beyond, it's like someone who's interested in the website can step in and do it. So it's like, we're all owners in it. So it was like, Okay, this works. This is better. Like, if I'm not interested in someone, someone else might be interested, or they're not interested in things, and I can take it on. So in me being defensive, I am able to change my mind when. Other information is presented so that they really did upend everything.
Collette: Yeah, what an amazing story that really is powerful. And what I love Melisse is that you know you recognize the defensiveness, but I don't imagine that you're more defensive than most people. I just think that's the most common reaction to feedback. What do you think?
Melisse: I think so? I think so, and I expect it from people, so that I think that it helps. That's why I think I am a little better at giving feedback, because I expected, or can empathize, of like, where I would be. Yeah, that's helpful. But you've given me feedback.
Collette: I have? Well, I'm always giving advice, which I realize is beyond obnoxious. Like, you're not supposed to give advice anymore, and I'm a certified coach, so I'm definitely not supposed to be giving advice, but I do find myself giving people a lot of advice, and that, how does that feel to you, like when you get advice?
Melisse: I don't know. I kind of, I kind of like advice, because I like a solution, and I like to know where that person is coming from, but you are good at giving feedback in a way of you point out, well, when you've given me feedback, I can speak from experience, you point out my strengths. You point out what I'm good at, and then, and then you'll, you know, offer me feedback and like, whatever I'm asking you, because I know I've asked you for feedback and advice, so Well, that's like, that's good. I because advice, but it's like, I like the solutions. I'm like, oh, that's an interesting
Collette: I feel that way too. I really love advice. I may or may not take advice, and I feel totally empowered to do that, but I really love hearing like, if you were in my position, what would you do? Or what are you thinking I should do? Because I think there's something that gets lost and tell me how you do this as a therapist, because it might be similar, but I think I can see why advice giving has gotten such a bad rap. Because you know, if you're in an organization and you're a leader just constantly telling your employees what to do or telling people what to do, and not asking their perspective or opinion, that that is obnoxious. But I also think as a coach, this is so bad for me to say as a coach, but I think there are limitations to what somebody comes up with by themselves, so I think it's an important thing for people to generate their own ideas, but I honestly also think that you're limited by your own history, your own experiences, your own perspective, and the only way to make a jump is to really have somebody else share their wisdom with you or their perspective with you. What do you think about that?
Melisse: Well, yeah, and like in the therapy work, the way the school I went to, I went to Pepperdine, and the way we were trained is over and over. You are a therapist. You are not a counselor. A counselor is a lawyer. A counselor gives advice that is the worst thing you will ever do to never give anyone advice. You can say from this therapeutic perspective, this is what they would say. But it was like just pushed into it. So really, as a therapist, I I try not to give advice, and I try to remind them of what they've said in earlier sessions, what goals they're trying to get through. Like, Will that get you to your treatment goal, or whatever goals you've set? But people, as they think I have it together, and so they'll be like, well, what would you do in this situation? Like, what would you know, you're a mom, what would you do? And I'm like, I always joke. And I'm like, Do not ask me what I would do. I would blow everything up. So we don't want to ask me what I would be doing in this situation. What we want is help you feel really good, which I you know, it's a term day, like in your knowing feel really good in your gut, yeah, of the decision you made so you can walk away and no one can, you know, make you regret this decision you made in this moment in time. If you're making a decision, I will help them brainstorm ideas, and then I will throw out the absurd, like I'll throw out something so crazy, just to help them get it going. Another one is saying, Who are some people in your you know, I don't say some support network, but who are you close to? Could you ask them for their experiences? What did they say? You know, and that can be helpful. Like, oh, my best friend says over and over, I should do this. I'm like, you trust your best friend. Yeah, they've been saying it. Why aren't you listening this time? So I. I try to use those techniques, as opposed to you gotta dump that guy. What are you thinking? I won't say it to them.
Collette: So that's really good. That's good professional boundaries. There may least, but also really good way to help people get a different perspective, by asking them to ask people that they trust so that they can hear other perspectives and kind of get out of their own head.
Melisse: Yeah, definitely. But like, yeah, if you're someone close to me, then yeah, I'm like, you've worked too hard. You know you should learn this lesson? Yes, yeah. So it's a different one, no.
Collette: So that's right, I think I've been on the end of that with you. May least. So for those of you who don't know, Melisse and I are part of an entrepreneurial group that one of my previous guests, Nicole Vander horse, is also a part of, which is called Brain Trust, and it is a group for of women entrepreneurs and so may Lisa and I didn't know each other a year ago, right? I mean, it's been about a year, and we've been in the same vault and group together now for a year. So we've gotten to experience each other in like different ways, which has been really cool. Most recently, a trip to Mexico for five days. And so that was amazing. So let's talk about feedback there, because you and I had like, a moment in Mexico where, yeah, yeah, I think it's good, though. I think it's good. So here, let's preface this. So making friends as an adult is hard, right? It's interesting because, you know, you have people who grew up with you and know how you operate and whatever. And then when you're making new friends as an adult, these people don't know how you operate, and you have to navigate this whole experience and relationship in a different way than you would have if like you and I had grown up together, right? Yeah, and is it okay if we talk about this?
Melisse: Yeah, I want you. I was, that's what I was saying. I was saying. I was like, You gave me feedback in Mexico. How do you think you guys what you're talking about?
Collette: Okay, okay, okay, I didn't, I didn't know if you considered that feedback. So, so I'll lay the groundwork, but then I want you to lay the groundwork too and make sure I'm not missing anything or misrepresenting anything. But may Lisa and I are in some ways polar opposites. So I am an anxious
Melisse: Look at our backgrounds right now, like, Look
Collette: Ron Burgundy and your background. This is true. So I'm a planner. I'm pretty anxious human being. So I'm constantly, sadly, you know, on the lookout for dangers, primary, more than anything, even physical dangers. This is just my thing. So I had never even been to Mexico before, but we went to San Miguel. It was a lovely, lovely city. I felt totally safe there, even walking at night, which I never would have done if it weren't for me. At least she she inspired me. So you're welcome there. I know it's true. I'm really glad that we got aside from the massive hill that we had to walk up. I'm so glad that we got that experience, and there may least describe yourself, describe how you operate.
Melisse: I think like if there was a risk averse scale when like five was like, you're very afraid of decisions, afraid to to take risk for zero. I'm like zero, like, I have no fear of risk. And you have, like, a five,
Collette: Yeah, this is so true.
Melisse: Oh, that's why I was copying. No, it's okay. So, yeah. So that's and I like to travel, and I like to, of all the things that feel risky, physical harm is very small, like minor, so good. And I don't like to be a planner, and I like to decide what to do at the last minute, and I don't. So yeah, it was a fun trip. It was fun for five days. We had it all navigate, yeah, and I'm a dreamer. I'm like, let's do something big and see what happens. Let's have an adventure. Like, if we got robbed, wouldn't that be fun? Like, let's just go. What happened, you know? Like, why we're here? So I'm more like, let's have the I always go towards the adventure. Yeah, that's why I say don't take my advice. It's gonna It's. Blow everything up, is what I mean. But, yeah, right, well, but Mexico felt very safe, yeah.
Collette: And I was, yeah, it really did where we were, but we had an interesting moment where we were navigating just our differences, because we were in a group of, what, six women. And, you know, I don't know. I am super old school. I'll be the first one to admit it. So like, when you're traveling and you're a group of women, I turn into a mom. I will be the first one to say it. And I'm like, I want to keep everybody together. I want to make sure everybody is safe. So we were leaving a restaurant at night. It was probably, what, nine o'clock at night, and we were, I was like, yeah, let's get a cab. We're all getting a cab, right? And Melisse is like, No, I'm walking. And I went, No, you're not walking. And she's like, Yeah, I'm walking by myself. I'm a grown woman, and I can do what. And we had a moment where I'm like, No, you can't do that. That's not safe. And you're and you're saying, Yes, this is my body, my life. I will do what I want to and, and how do you think we worked that out? Melisse, yeah,
Melisse: I mean, it was the it was a one night at dinner. Everyone was like, we're all, I like, we're all we are all sitting at dinner. And I was just like, all right, you guys all take the car. I'm gonna walk. And it just surprised me that everyone had a big reaction. It was like, we can't leave one of our own. Yeah. And I was like, and I was like, All right, then I guess we're all walking, because I'm not getting in a cab. And then, and then everyone just walked with me, and everyone had the time of their lives. And then the next night you had offered the feedback. You were like, I don't know how you were worded it, but you were like, I don't know if we even if you said, like, can I give feedback? But somehow you were like, We all compromise for you last night, it would be helpful if you could compromise. Yes.
Collette: Okay, so that night we the second night, we walked up a mountain in San Miguel to get to this restaurant. And I am not exaggerating, we literally scaled a freaking mountain. It was never ending. We it took us 30 minutes to climb up all these stairs, and we honestly weren't even sure what was going to be at the end of it. But thankfully, it was this beautiful, amazing restaurant, awesome view, awesome food. And that night, especially after that big walk, I was like, Oh no, I'm not walking home, I'm not walking out. So I walk up.
Melisse: Was so fun, because we kept so we see like, two teenagers kissing and making out. We have to interrupt, and we're like, is there a restaurant up here? And they're like, no. Then we're like, a man with a donkey really? Is there a restaurant? Everyone's like, No. And we're like, let's just keep going. There might be one. And we came upon one that was so funny.
Collette: No, no the entire time, Melisse, I'm just like, Oh my gosh. Where are we going? What are we walking into? Who's around the corner? We're getting ourselves in this path here where we're going to get stuck and we're not going to be able to get out. No, no that.
Melisse: And I'm like, let's go down the dark alley right down there. I said we should split up to cover more ground and try to find each other later.
Collette: And you were like, no. So after this experience of like, finally getting to the restaurant, it's like, Okay, whew, there is a restaurant. Here we are in it. We are in a good part of town. It's safe, and we were talking about how we were going to get home. And so several of us were saying, like, let's take a cab tonight. We really want to take a cab tonight. And Melisse, you said, No, I'm walking. And I said, Melisse, and I think you said, I'm a grown woman, and I can do what I want. And I said, I know that, but I was also hoping that, because last night we compromised and walked, that you would be willing to compromise and get in the cab and you heard me, and I just needed you to hear like, that's how I was feeling the moment. I definitely didn't want to bring you down. And I was, I was stressed about our situation, and really stressed about you walking from this place that I didn't know how far we were from where we were staying, and all that I know. I can hear it even as I say it, how obnoxious that is, as you know, you are a grown woman, and so how did you receive that like, what did it feel like to you when I was saying that to you?
Melisse: I'm trying to think again. I mean, I think at the time, I was like, You. Nope, wall up, like, not wanting to hear it. I was like. I was like, well, that's your story. You're afraid. You're afraid for my life, not my story. So I don't, I don't feel like I was being very compassionate to your fears. How did you feel? Did you feel like I heard you?
Collette: I did. I at first, no, at first, when you were like, I can't remember, but it was whatever you said. You were like, yep, well, that's what you're gonna do, and I'm gonna do this. And I thought, okay, and that's when I just, I think I shifted gears from like, I am really not trying to tell you what to do. I just want a part of it also, and I don't think I expressed it in that moment, like I want us to have this experience together. And I know for somebody like I feel like you're really independent males, so it's probably suffocating to spend five days with a group when you're used to, like, going on your own adventure and doing whatever you want when you want, you know?
Melisse: Yeah, I think for me, like, this is a great example of me not being great with feedback. Like I'm but, like, I went to the what? I would really like to do is exquisite. This is what I wish I would have done exquisitely. Listened to you, read between lines, saw what you were really doing. You were trying to keep us all together and have our group cohesion. But that's not what I did. I think what I did do was, what are the words coming out of our model? Her mouth? What is she concerned about safety? Offer her some data to calm her, to calm her down and get what I want. You know, what it might be more dangerous for us to get into a cab with a taxi driver, because that's actually more dangerous for us. So it was like me trying to control the situation, to, like, get what I want. Yeah, you know, when a PhD with them, you were less like, no, like, there. So it was like, nope. Like, we all, we all want to take a taxi or whatever. But I thought it was, I mean, we got through it fine to walk to me, and the other person walked, and then the rest took the taxi and it all. And I worked out in the interesting,
Collette: It's like a beautiful illustration of what feedback looks like. You know, like you and I are both. I used to be a therapist, you're a therapist. We're both like, really people, focused, wellness, focused individuals, and yet, we have our triggers that pop up inevitably, like with each other. And so I feel like it's just such a good example, because even telling the story again, I can see how much my own fear is just clouding the ARB, covering, I guess, the entire conversation, right? And so I can see that, and I'm, like, bummed by that, because I wish I wasn't scared. But, you know, it is what it is. I live with it, and I try to manage it, but I can certainly understand, for you, like, how that is so foreign to you and you might, I'm guessing that you might have felt like claustrophobic, almost like restricted. Is that how you felt?
Melisse: Yeah, that's great. That's what I call exquisite listening. That's great. Like feeling, you know, how I would have.
Collette: Yeah, I totally get that.
Melisse: I was like, why are they not throwing me a party? I'm sitting here. I sat at a lunch and a dinner. I should be getting a big party around here.
Collette: It's like, Melisse you're like, you don't know how much I'm conceding already. I will not give up my walk down this hill. I won't do it. But also, what I found really beautiful in our conversation is that I felt, you might think love is too strong of a word. I I felt like there was love there, you know, and respect for each other. So even as we're like both getting triggered by our own things, and we're both trying to, like, convince each other at first and then just find a way to move forward. You know, it there was always just this, I felt respect or love. How did it feel to you?
Melisse: Yeah, yeah. And I think that that's, I think that that really goes back to us being in brain trust and the, like, I don't know, the protocols or the safety brain trust sets up, because there was never any question of each other's intent. No, we both knew we love, yeah. So that was really, like. Uh, yeah, respecting each other and knowing that there was so much love between us, yeah? So, yeah, that's that is great. If you can have that when you're giving feedback, right?
Collette: How often do you get that? The beauty of that. So what you have this, I don't want to know what your formula is. So you have a formula for giving feedback, and you have something that you tell people before they give you feedback, I kind of want to hear what you tell people to do to give you feedback first.
Melisse: So, yeah, I'll ask people, you know, and this isn't specific to the therapy world, but this works for me, and it comes a little bit from the DVT dear man, but it's really specific to me. I like to know a specific incident or an example, like, so what it was like, tell me what it is. It's specifically and then I, you know, I'll be like, you can say how it made you feel, but that's more just to let the other person disarm them. And then it's like, so specific how you feel something about me that I'm really good at. So give me a strength, and then what it would be helpful for me to do. So like, give me the solution. Because so many people are like, when you do these things, overall, I feel, you know, for example, you didn't do this, but if you would have said, when you are risk averse overall, I feel scared that you're going to be hurt. And I'd like to have a talk about this, and I don't know what to do with that. So it's like, better if it was like when you, you know when you were wanting to walk at night time on your own. I was nervous for your safety. You are so good at bringing adventure to everyone, or, like, when we're all together, you bring us all together, and we have so much fun together. It would be helpful if you rode in the taxi with us and we had some good laughs, you know, then, then that's like a perfect formula for me, as opposed to, okay, I'm scared when you do this thing. Let's all just have a talk about why we do it, then that gets me, yeah? So I'm like, tell me exactly what you want, okay?
Collette: And also start, it sounds like almost even, yeah, okay. I'm trying to, sometimes my brain works slower than my mouth, so I'm trying to let it catch up. But it sounds like what you're saying is, like, if you're telling me that you have a problem with a quality of who I am as a person, like, just something that's part of me, I don't know what to do with that, because that is me, and so you know, so you're I love what you're saying is, I want you to be really specific about what you want from me, so then I can make a decision about whether or not to give that to you, you know.
Melisse: Yeah, and it's like, if the way I want feedback, like, if it were you, like, I would be like, Collette, you are So good at knowing you're hyper vigilant, you know everything that's going to happen you're so good at, like, schedules, agendas, like where everyone is at the same time and where we're going to be at so like, building up what you're good at.
Collette: Only I'm not good at any of those things. I'm just hyper vigilant. It sucks!
Melisse: With hyper vigilance that's often goes on, I know, and you're so caring and loving, and you care about, you really, truly care about people's health, safety and their growth as a human. And those are very true things about you. So those are all strengths that no one can deny. Yeah, it would be helpful if you, you know, like, if we were in that moment, it would be helpful if you let me grow and have my own experience by taking a walk, by allowing me to take a walk, and maybe I could think about the ways that I want to be more like Collette. You know, it's like, so that's the thing. So it's like, I don't know. That's just one thing.
Collette: So for me, speaking my language, like I get that I don't, I don't like this, like I'm going to be independent and I'm going to go walk at night by myself. I don't like that. I don't like that because of my fear for you. And when you frame you're right, it's so good. It's so good to frame it in, in what I value as a person and try to communicate to me through my own values, if that makes sense, yeah, that is Mind Craft, whatever you want to call it. That is, that is like witchcraft right there, and that's pretty amazing, because we were just playing it out, and when you said it just off the cuff, it felt, it felt differently with me, yeah, yeah.
Melisse: And, and honestly, I just, when I sell people, like, tell me something I'm really good at, and then tell me what you want. So, so for in everyday life, it's like, you know, I'm gonna, I'm making. Commercial for watershed, because I think it'll be fun to have a commercial. That's a fun creative thing. And instead of being like, Hey, you said it was going to be done on this day, when are you going to do it? Hey, I just, I want to offer you feedback. You gave a timeline. You said I was going to be done and you haven't done it yet. Like, that's one way people could give it, but if they're like, You are so creative, we can't wait to see the commercial you made. You're such a great writer, you're set like you're so good with visuals, we cannot wait to see a commercial.
Collette: Okay, so my first guest on the podcast talked about a shit sandwich, and how you know that he doesn't like that because he feels like it's disingenuous and and he asked how I felt, and I'm kind of like, well, if you're gonna tell me something negative, you might as well give me the positive too. I'll take it like if I get to choose. So it sounds like for you that positive is really important. Tell me why. What does that do for you?
Melisse: I think that I'm getting positive affirmations is one of my love languages, and it motivates me more, more so than other other things. That's all I can guess. Because I know for other people, I've done it with them, and it doesn't do you know, as much for them, whereas, opposed to they're like, I know, but am I going to get more money for getting it done on time? Like they want another type of motivator. So I know what works for me, but like, so, yeah, I just think that's it. Like the positive affirmations make me more motivated to help someone else when they're asking for something,
Collette: I can see that. Okay, so what is your formula for giving people feedback?
Melisse: So that one too, I try to, like, say a specific thing how it made me feel, but I'll put in the story I told myself, or if I feel like they're being especially defensive, I'll put in the false story I'm telling myself, so that they know that I know I'm making a story. So the fault story I'm telling myself, and it would be helpful if you did this.
Collette: Can you, as opposed to an example, like from our situation? Can you give me an example of what that looks like?
Melisse: Yeah, so it's like, um, Collette, when you said that you wanted I don't remember the words you said, but like when you said, I would like you to ride in the car with us to calm down my own nervous system so I don't have to worry about your safety. I felt claustrophobic, controlled, suffocated. The story I told myself Is she doesn't know me. She doesn't know me, she doesn't understand me, she doesn't see me. Those are all false stories. It would be helpful if you stated your fear once and let it be That's it.
Collette: I don't really think that's a false story, though. Like that's powerful. Melisse, the one that got me, that you just said, I kind of got chills, is that I didn't see you, and I think that's exactly right. I wasn't seeing you. I was seeing me in you, you know, and that it was powerful.
Melisse: And think how much more powerful that is, that if I said, and Collette, you're not seeing me, you're not hearing me. You don't see my needs, as opposed so many times you say, this is my story, a person responds just like, you just like, Oh my God, you're not wrong. Yeah. So it's like, it can bridge that gap, as opposed to, if I said, you don't see me, like, you know, it just disarms a little bit,
Collette: Right? It's the it's the craziness of these conversations, because each of us has a very real truth about what was happening for us in this moment, and it's very different, mine to yours and yours to mine, and yet, at the same time, like it's not who's right, it's not that at all. It's that these two kind, nice, caring people had these two totally different perspectives, and were just trying to, first of all, get each other to do what we wanted. Second of all, you know, repair and try to navigate how to move forward in friendship, you know. But that is powerful because, and I hear what you're saying is you say, well, I add in the false, this is my false story. If somebody is just not ready to hear what was happening for you in a really true way, yeah, yeah. Man, that's beautiful. I really do think you have a gift. Melisse of you're so present, and at the same time, I also feel like you're so five steps ahead, which I don't know how you mean it. You're like the wind. It's like you're present, and then somehow you're still five steps ahead. But I've really seen you in relationships, and it also with me just be so in touch and in tune and present, and it's really powerful.
Melisse: Oh, thank you. Yeah,
Collette: Yeah, I bet it's part of what makes you a great therapist.
Melisse: Oh, thank you. Yeah, that's one of my Yeah, because I do feel sometimes like out of out of sync or something with people, where I'll be like, everyone's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, don't we all agree to this? What's what? Where is everyone you know? Like, why aren't we all on the same my page? On my page, one of my other co founders, Calloway, gave me feedback one time that she was like, You're just the most primal person ever. You're so primal. And I was like, Oh, I love that. Yeah. That was a good feedback that I that I liked and yeah, I think that you're, I think you are really good at seeing people and you really, you are really good about reminding people who they are, like you can see through someone and like who they really are, what their values are, and reminding them what their values are like, that is one of your superpowers.
Collette: Thank you. This is part of what I love about the podcast. I was thinking about it the other day. I'm like, I just get people on here and just love them the way that I love them in real life, like I truly love you and every guest I've had I love and they bring something unique. Obviously, they have something unique and different in their perspective and the way they move through the world and so beautiful to like, share that and bring that out. You know,
Melisse: Yeah, no, thank you. Yeah. It's funny that you had I was like me on the feedback mix. I'm like that mostly, but you have all this wisdom.
Collette: So tell me what I forgot to ask you this question, but I think it's important, what is your relationship to feedback? Like you did say, Okay, I feel generally defensive. Where did that develop? Do you know?
Melisse: Well, I think often, I think, I think it developed with, if someone says, Are you open to me offering feedback, it's usually not great. I'm like, oh gosh. How many times has this happened? You know, as opposed to people will just tell you what's great about you. But if someone's saying, Are you open for feedback, or do you have the space, or can we set up a time to talk where I could offer you some feedback, it's not going to not going to be what they what they're happy.
Collette: They just say, Melisse, you are fabulous, right?
Melisse: Yeah, yeah. So I think that's, that's my first thought. Is like, Oh no, something else. Something else that. But on the other hand, I have no problem moving towards conflict, or I think it brings us closer. So I think that that's I think that's fine too. I am. I'm not someone who's like, oh no. Like, we have to wait to get feedback. Like, I'm just like, yeah, just, let's just give it to me. So, yeah,
Collette: Well, you're such a highly independent person, and so what's in I want to know what you think about this, because I have this feeling when I get feedback, and I've talked about it before, of feeling just disappointed that I have to change, that I need to change, to be acceptable, to be, you know, belong, to be better, because I just kind of want to move through the world as me and, you know, and I've said before too, there's no telling what kind of feral human being I would be if I didn't accept or hear feedback. But it's always disappointing to me, because I'm like, it feels, in a way, like I'm losing some independence. Does that make sense to you?
Melisse: Yeah. I mean, that's interesting, that this just shows how our brains are different, that you that you think, Oh no, I have to change, you know? And because for me, my first thought is, oh no, I have to change them to be what I have to think what I want. I. Never once thought I have to change for them. Or even, you know, when I was younger, like working at Cumberland height, like I remember, I was a brand new therapist, and I got called into HR all the time for doing little things. Because I just think, oh no, like, they're gonna have to all change their policies. Premier, I'm not gonna stay and never that they that I would change to fit into city thing. So, um, but, but my, I mean, that's just interesting, how we how we think, but it's like with our little with our offering feedback, you didn't change, like you didn't change, and that was great, yeah, still, for this day, hold that for safety, you would have liked us all to ride together in a taxi so you didn't have to.
Collette: Yeah, that's true. That's true. That is
Melisse: You felt safe not to change.
Collette: So it's like, yeah, I guess it's more there's a difference in my mind between having kind of a two way conversation, where I'm telling you how you feel, how I feel, and you're telling me how you feel, versus somebody coming to me that situation that you were talking about, like Collette, I have some feedback for you. Can we schedule some time that that is the difficult one. When it's reciprocal, it doesn't feel so bad for some reason, you know,
Melisse: Do you ever ask people for feedback? Do you ever, like, feel people kind of having a wall up or something, and do you say, Are you open to giving me feedback about do you ever ask people?
Collette: Only if I want it, only if I want it, and there are times when I really don't want it, whether it's like, because I'm in a really good so, like, classically, if I do a training or some kind of speaking engagement, I do not want feedback at that day. Nothing but positive. You can tell me how wonderful it was. You can just tell me you like my shoes. I don't care anything positive, but it takes so much out of me that I don't want to use my energy on that day to try to think about what I could have done better. I want to celebrate that I did it in the first place. And so like that's a boundary I have around feedback. So I try to help other people help me by asking for it when I actually, really do want it, but not asking for it if I don't want it, and really hesitating to accept. And it sounds like you do this too, if you're not in a place to receive it, you know, hesitating to really say, Okay, give it to me. Let's have this conversation. If it's not something that you're really, truly invested in, you know, yeah,
Melisse: Well, because when you were saying, like, the feeling of, oh no, I have to change. And I was thinking, but I'm the opposite, that, that like doesn't change. I was thinking of an example of, if I know, like, I noticed a pattern in different groups over the years where it's like, I'll think we're all collaborating, and the next thing I know, it's just me asking questions, and then everyone's quiet, and then no one seems interested in doing whatever project. So then I asked my co founders, like lovingly, please give me the feedback. It hasn't just happened in this workspace. It's happened in other areas. And they said, because you asked you, rapid they guessed what was going on. They said they could talk for themselves, but they could guess what's happened in the past. They're like, You rapid fire questions. Of like, I thought this was gonna get done. When's this done? Don't you have this answer? They're like, it feels like an interrogation. And then we feel like we didn't, you know, do our work, and it's no longer throwing out creative ideas. So that was when I heard that. I was like, Oh yeah, I do want to change. Yeah. Like, if that's your experience, that's not who I want to be. So I'm like, please, moving forward, if I jump in to that question after question after question, please point it out, because it's so there are times when someone says something.
Collette: Yeah, that's really nice. That's really nice, Melisse, because you, you are, you are exceptionally fast, and you're thinking and you're doing. You are truly amazing. You are and I could see how in a room full of people, when you have an idea that you're excited about and on board with, watch out. You're definitely going to be the fastest person in the room when it comes to processing things and getting things done. Thanks, yeah. Well, I love you friend. I love how this conversation went. I think it was beautiful the way it unfolded.
Melisse: Yeah, it is. It always happens the way it should.
Collette: Yeah, I'm so glad that you joined me. Tell people how they can get a hold of you. Or at Watershed.
Melisse: They can go to the website, watershedcoop.org, or the Instagram at Watershed Wellness Coop.
Collette: Yes, and tell, um, can you share just a little bit about what, what different services you have there.
Melisse: So yeah, at Watershed, we have the finished style spa area, so it's $30 for an hour. And we have a dry cedar sauna, eucalyptus steam room, a little hangout area, showers. We offer lymphatic massage. We have talk therapy, family therapy, child therapy, and then we're adding groups, breath work, groups, hypnotherapy. So yeah, we have that. But the various events are happening. Dream club, people come in and share their dreams. We have lymphatic self care, learning how to work with your own lymphatic system. So just really building a community.
Collette: Really nice, Melisse, and it's a beautiful, beautiful building just outside of Nashville, in Madison, Tennessee. It's so cool. So I highly recommend, and thank you may least, and thanks to everyone listening. We'll see you in a couple weeks. Bye.
Melisse: Bye, bye.
