We talk about feedback all the time in professional settings—but what about the feedback we give and receive at home? In this special episode of Feedback Fix, Collette is joined by her husband, Leif Revere, for an honest, tender conversation about what feedback really looks like in the day-to-day of marriage, parenting, and partnership.
Together, they share how they’ve grown (and messed up) over the years, how they give each other space to keep evolving, and why feedback in relationships isn’t about fixing—it’s about connection.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
This episode is a reminder that the most meaningful feedback isn’t always the most polished—it’s the kind that helps us love better.
Watch the episode on YouTube or listen on Spotify or Apple.
Collette: Welcome to Feedback Fix where we get real about the messy conversations that move us forward. We are a live podcast, which means no scripts, no do overs, just unfiltered, honest conversations happening as they unfold. I'm Collette Revere, and today I'm sitting down with a very special guest. He works with companies to modernize their supply chains, and he's also my partner in parenting and in life, Leif Revere. Thanks for being here. Leif.
Leif: Thanks for having me.
Collette: So I usually start with other questions, but since you're a special guest, I'd love to know how awesome is it to be married to me.
Leif: Oh, you didn't write the answer for me, so I'll have to make it up a little fun. No, it is awesome. We've been married for 10 glorious years, and they've wait. They've been the best 10 years of my life.
Collette: Nice, good one. Well, I'm so glad to have you here, and I know that normally we talk about work, and we will probably be doing some of that, but this is really about like, our personal experience and the things that we've learned along the way, mostly through our mistakes. Huh? Absolutely. So let's start with work. Will you update us on what's happening with your work right now? What you're doing?
Leif: Sure. So I've been lucky. The past eight months, I've been working with a company, consulting company called Bright x, and we are working with mars pet peer. So the pet care division for North America is actually based in Nashville. So we are working on an SAP project. We're integrating SAP to OMP, and so we're changing all the integration touch points. We're also sending some messaging and updates to their warehouse management system. So it's been a really fun project. I haven't worked on SAP and 15 years, so had to dust off a lot of old SAP knowledge, but it's been really fun. Great group of people, smart folks and we are staying ahead of our other groups. So I'm super excited to be able to report that every week when we get out of group.
Collette: So what do you think is required in terms of communication and feedback to be good at what you do for work.
Leif: Sure. So I guess my area is supply chain. So obviously communication all around, up and down, making sure that everyone is fully aware of what's going on. The role that I'm performing now is really a project manager leader role, and it's all communication and all feedback. I mean, it's letting people know they have deliverables do, letting people know if they slip past when the deliverables are done, and trying to work it out with them to find a more, a better date for them to deliver. And so yeah, I would say communication, and then that feedback on not only when they're missing items, but because of Open360 we have learned in a new way now, no learning from you, and even giving feedback when things are positive. So trying not to just be the Grim Reaper and deliver bad news, but trying to reach out to people, let them know and give them feedback when they've done things that are outstanding.
Collette: Yeah, I love that. Thank you. Thank you for the shameless plug, too. So how would you describe your communication style, just in general Leif.
Leif: I guess I don't know if you know this or not about me, but no, I'm introverted, so I would much rather sit back and not say anything, or my go to would be to send an email, because I don't have to have the conversation and give especially with bad news. So I think communication style, I would say reserve. But I try not to say 10 words if only five are needed. However, I tend to lean on the side of maybe saying three words, continuing with that analogy. And so it's definitely something I need to work on. And had some great communicators that I've worked for, worked with and married to, so really have any excuses? But, yeah, I think it's, it's more the reserve side and not wanting to communicate when I don't have to, but realizing it's a component of any job you have.
Collette: Yeah, well, I hear you describe that as a negative, but what is positive about the way that you communicate and your communication style?
Leif: I think I try to be jovial. You know? I try to interject upon, yeah, you do know that you have some bad jokes, which it takes people a while to kind of get used to that style, where it's dry and but it's meant to be disarming to make sure that, you know, it is important. It is especially work. You know, it's we do have a mission, but it's luckily I'm not in a life or death field. So it's the stuff that we do is not going to directly lead to someone getting harmed. So I always think there's opportunity for levity. However, I do probably interject that a little bit too much, and it's probably even a defense mechanism if you wanted to get me on the couch, which we only have 50 minutes,
Collette: Right? Lucky you. No, I really experience you. It's interestingly because, no, I totally see this side of you. I do know you're an introvert, and you like to think about what you're saying before it comes out of your mouth. And sometimes like ruminate. I also like to ruminate too, so I get it, and I experience you as very talkative.
Leif: I think here, unfortunately, the only one I talk to so but I come from a long line of talkers with my mom and dad. But yeah, maybe with you. I think I feel very, very comfortable with you, and don't feel like I'm judged, and feel like I can say something and I'm going to get an honest response, even though I don't want it all the time. So maybe I am talkative to you, but I would say, in general, I think that being introverted, and that does cause a challenge with communication. Being an effective communicator, yeah.
Collette: I think you do a good job, just for the record. So how would you describe my communication style?
Leif: Let me get the paper out. You are no, no, I think you're very communicative. I mean, obviously you're extroverted, but that doesn't mean that you're just blabbing all the time. I do get worried when you're not talking. Yeah, that's when I know the cobra is about to strike. But no, I think your style is upfront. I think people see that genuineness and you and they feel comfortable. And I've tried to take a little bit about that. I know when I say things to people, I make a odd face. I know they're thinking, Oh, is he? What's going on with him? Did he been sniffing pain or something, but, but yours is more of a genuine good feeling, and people have that feel receptive when they're communicating with you. That's effective, and also has led to your creation of Opus, sorry, gone to the welfare
Collette: We you could be sweet, you know what? So my mother in law, Lois described my communication style once, and it was pretty funny. We were on, we were in the car on the way to the airport to pick you up from somewhere, I think. And I think I was complaining about something, and she was, she described me as not somebody who sweeps anything under the rug, but somebody who beats out the rug daily. And like, I think that's, that's totally. True of me, like nothing goes uncovered, nothing goes on discuss, and I can imagine how obnoxious that is, and like you are the only person I've met as a partner who can hang with that. So I think that's pretty incredible, that you have the fortitude to really stick with being open and talking through things, you know,
Leif: Yeah, and I think it helps I know we were going to talk about Christian and our son and our communication. And I know we've had some fun discussions about me correcting him, and then I hear from downstairs, don't do that. And it's right. It's just one thing I was thinking coming to this, was trying to figure out that that gap in realizing that, you know, thinking I'm right, stubbornly not wanting to move from being right to realizing I'm wrong, to realizing the big picture of especially communicating with him, is just is tucking that away and making sure that they're giving feedback that that he can use and not something that's going to be detrimental. Yeah,
Collette: I was talking to somebody yesterday coaching, and I wonder what you think about this, because I was telling him, the currency of relationships is not truth or logic, to be honest, like that's important kind of out there in the world, but the currents of relationships is almost, I would say, validation and value. So being right is not like, I don't want to say it's not a big deal, but it just is not what runs relationships. So it's almost is inconsequential in most instances. But what do you think about that?
Leif: No, I think it's, I think it's, yeah, it's various dude. I i think it's again, with Christian. It is a lot of me use the bathroom as an example. He likes to think he's at Nashville shores and splashing all around, and I just hear my dad's voice in the background going, you know that water is going to get down below that tile and it's going to rot that out. So in 20 to 25 years, you're going to have to replace that, and who's going to do that? So that's running through my head. And so the communication part of it to him is like, Hey, do you realize what you're what you're doing? And he's looking at me like, I'm just having fun. Yeah.
Collette: Yeah, so how have you adapted? Because, well, how would you and I can tell you my thoughts, but I want to hear yours first. Like, how have you adapted since becoming a parent? Like, what's the transition look like for you? Do you think?
Leif: Oh, I think, I think I say things a lot more a lot more repetitive, like, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that. Not just with you, with no, I mean, we just with Christian. But I think I'm more reflective on communication. I know, in the evenings, after we put it, I put him to sleep, I'm walking down the stairs. I'm like, should have said that, or should have done this, and I've got to communicate better. And, you know, not say this. Don't say that. And you had mentioned kind of the empathic stuff about it, but being a little more empathic and I think that, that lack of that, I think maybe being introverted, is you don't want to put yourself out or put yourself in someone else's shoes, because you're you want to be closed off. You feel more comfortable when it's just you and in your way. So I think it all stems from that. But yeah, that's probably a long answer to short.
Collette: No, it's good. I think so when we talk about like you not being used to it and kind of you mentioned before wanting to be right, I think there's something kind of social and gendered about that, because you and I have had this conversation before. As a woman growing up in this society, it is expected that you will learn to consider others, that you will not take up too much. Space that you will be empathetic and those sorts of things, that's kind of the norm, and it's what's expected. And women are shape each other in that way, as much as anything. It's just kind of like part of what's in society. And I think for men, I don't think that's the message that you get. I think the message for men is like, stand out, be the best. You know, kind of like, it's not about tending to other people or the group, unless it's your family in, like, a practical way. And so I do think, like, I don't know how I would be different if I was raised differently. I think a lot of what you see when it comes to my communication is kind of how I've been shaped. What do you think?
Leif: Yeah, I think so. I mean, you, you kind of were about to do my hand like this to lead, you know, you're taught, um, you need to be a leader. And I mean career wise. You know, as you lead, you tend to or you become more of a leader. You You're leading more people. So you're, again, I guess it's army or military related, but you're, you know, you give it a water, you expect an order to be executed, kind of thing. And, yeah, so I think there is something to that I don't I think it is more southern, just from traveling around. I think I see it more, and obviously, growing up in the South, I don't think I recognized it as much until I started traveling and seeing other parts of the US and then other parts of the world where it's just it's different. It is a culture, and it is, I think, it exists in in other parts of the country and it's taught like that, but it is different in the southern US. Yeah.
Collette: So how do you think, thinking about this and like, especially with our you think our son experiences feedback from us? Yeah, he's seven, by the way. Everyone
Leif: Seven year old, sorry, yeah, right. I think he hears it the first time. I think he definitely hears Yeah, and he decides how he wants to to take it using a video game. For example, I think yesterday I told him six times, okay, we're home. Time to turn the video game off. And usually for the first three times, he doesn't even acknowledge and then the fourth time he says, Oh, I'm right in the middle of the game. And then, of course, I go the game say, game over restart. So he's stretching the truth. And then it's I'm almost out of battery, and I forget what the seventh one is. Yeah, the seventh one so, but I think watching him yesterday at the doctor's office, for example, he doesn't listen and he does take it in. And when he I think he's got a good basis, because he kind of knows, hey, this is, this is information I need to do, versus my dad's saying that he's always saying it, or mom's saying it. I'll, I'll get it on the fourth or fifth try. So, yeah, I think he's very keen to it. But one thing I've noticed is he takes it a lot better from you because of the way that you deliver the message. Really.
Collette: You think, mind you, Okay, you go ahead.
Leif: Sorry. I was just gonna say mine is more demonstrative and a lot of action verbs where yours is more getting him to understand. So I definitely need to get work on that, because, yeah, he definitely, I think, is more receptive, because he understands it a little bit more and versus just barking it out to him and not allowing him because he'll The good thing about it too, is he'll interject. He'll be like, no, no, I don't. I'm not going to do that. I could help. There's that balance between what's not necessarily the truth and what he's but he, I think he's got a good center there. But the way that you give him feedback and communicate with him, it's more. Uh, nurturing, and it's more inclusive to where he can kind of understand the why, versus me just barking him out why, because that's I've done. I've even said this to him multiple times. I said because I said so. And then I think, jeez, he's Yeah, I don't want to repeat in that. Yeah, that's the police officer.
Collette: Well, it's interesting, because I feel well before I became a parent, I thought I was patient. I thought I was things that now as a parent, I understand that I'm not exactly like. I thought I was like. I thought I'd be really equipped to do this parenting thing, especially like as a former therapist and working with kids, and then when it comes to our own son, I was just at a loss because I thought, you know, I'll be structured, disciplined. This will work. And for our son, as you know, you draw the line and he puts his toe right over it, like that's the thing, drawing lines doesn't work as well with him as other things. And so I've had to relearn it, too. And I don't know I'm just learning as I go, but what I am, I think I'm figuring out number one is like, connection is the key, because I don't feel like I'm having my own reaction when he's doing something I don't want him to be doing. And then I have another reaction, because my ego is, like, bruised because I'm his parent, and I feel like he should be doing what I ask him to do. And, and I think that's kind of similar as like, also when we got married, like, in our partnership, I think in the beginning, the intensity of the feelings of like, this is not right. I shouldn't be talked to this way. I shouldn't be treated this way. And, you know, whenever you get in arguments, and I think, I think this is what I see happening with him too. Is just like learning to dial it down and that all of these other superficial things, these little battles, are not important, like it's our relationship and are teaching him how to become who he is in the best possible way. Like, that's it, you know?
Leif: Yeah, for sure, I think ego, which you mentioned, was, was definitely a big thing, because it's, I'm thinking that I'm teaching him to be upstanding young man. And but it's more of me playing it out, and he is an upstanding young man, just he portrays him in a different way. And, yeah, so it is kind of checking the ego part of it. But yeah, it's, it's a lot of trying to do that or be called because you want to react, yeah. You don't want to let it, what you think is festering or not being addressed. But I would say probably, maybe half the time, it's things that can just be let go, yeah, and not worry about in 25 years that the cell floor is gonna have mold on.
Collette: I think we're getting better. Who do you think has grown more in the past seven years? Us or him?
Leif: Oh, I think us. I mean, I think he's, yeah, yeah. I've had a had a deal. I always thought I would be you mentioned about the therapy side. And, yeah, I do see that. But then I also see you when you're having to run after him and TJ Maxx because he's running through pulling clothes off the racks or and, yeah, I thought being a fun uncle and being able to but it that there's a little bit of it, but no, as far as growth, yeah, I would say he's, he's definitely he makes it, because every day he's fired out of a cannon at six o'clock in the morning. And whether you, you know, feel good, or you're worried about something, he's going to be full bore. So it's, it's requires. I think both of us, you know, when I look at each other, 5:45am on a Saturday morning, but yeah.
Collette: Well, how do you think that having a son and becoming parents has changed our relationship better and worse?
Leif: I would say feel better for sure. I mean, we. I think we commiserate a lot more. I mean, we have a common I mean, we, I think, different personalities, but also different hobbies and things that we like to do, but we have this one very present Attention, attention, needing being that allows us to talk and see and bounce things off each other. That's definitely for the better. I think for the worst, we don't have as much free time. And when we do, it's usually comatose on the on the couch and but, you know, that's not all bad either. Maybe as an interpreter, that was my evil plan.
Collette: Yeah, right, yeah, I think I agree with that, like you and I are so independent, because this ain't our first rodeo when it comes to marriage relationships. So when we got married or even just started dating, we're both so independent. We had our own lives and our own ways of doing things, and we totally respected that for each other. And then we have our son. We adopted our son, and we had to learn to work together in ways that we had avoided learning how to work together before we had him, we were just so hyper independent.
Leif
Yeah, yeah, that's true, and there's no way we could we you mentioned it a lot, and I think especially on a long weekend where you've got to work thing and you've got to be out of town. You mentioned about being a single parent, imagine doing this and I can't, because we do have to effectively hand off things, otherwise we think we go insane, yes, and maybe just because of that independence and wanting to have some time. And I think obviously both of us together, and doing it together, it gives us little pockets of time to, I guess, stamp out our independence, yeah, until someone comes running through the house naked and wet and not want to get his hair brushed. That's true to me, by the way, that's not Christian.
Collette
You're so silly. So you know, I think another thing about parenting together, it has shown me that you and I because, because we were so independent, I didn't necessarily know this, or maybe we've grown more like this, but I really think our values are so similar that we really, really have strong shared values that we operate by. And it really, I feel like is kind of the backbone of our family.
Leif: Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think you know, my jet, my stepdad mentioned something the other day. We were eating dinner with them about Isa. I saw your note online that the teacher had said about what a great kid Christian is. And I was like, Yeah, he is lucky him. He's He's like, no, no. That's because of you guys too. He's like, You got to take credit for it. And I think having those shared values and wanting him to be successful and free and a free thinker and all those things. I think it does. It does help. And then again, I know we're talking about feedback and communication. I think it's that's been one of the cornerstones. Because I think even feedback with each other, like if I get cheesed off and moving, and then I have to come over to you and go, Yeah, you're right. I should have just let it go. We could find other cabinet doors online somewhere, so, but I think kind of feedback kind of puts the the nice tail in to that, because it does help. And then I think it helps me to hear you give and watch you give feedback. So I I learn a little bit more about, maybe more a more effective way to do it.
Collette: Thanks. I'm winging it, but I will say that that something you mentioned makes me kind of want to get on a soapbox a little bit. And it's that what a jet told you about being good parents, and that's why our son is good. And I am not just I do think that we are good parents, and we work really hard at it, and I think parenting in general is just a narcissistic trap. App it is. I think part of the difficulty of parenting is that you own your child's behavior, good or bad, and that's this kind of enmeshment that's like, what is mine to own and what is his to own? And really discerning that because, I mean, we've been in situations where, you know, you see this kid, we've been the people where their kid is just like going crazy. And of course, you're just thinking, the parents don't care, or they're not doing something. But in reality, we know when it happens to us, it's not that we don't care, it's that we have totally lost a handle on whatever's happening. What do you think about that?
Leif: Yeah, yeah. And, I mean, the example I used was, you know, I was kind of saying, in spite of us, you know, a little bit tongue in cheek and, but, but, no, I definitely see examples. I mean, I traveled a lot before we had a kid, and you know, the screaming kid on a plane, you're like, that was my kid. But then you and I, the first time we flew with Christian, were both just like tense, and I've never had a more stressful flight in my life, just waiting for him to explode or barf on the person in front of us.
Collette: And then, remember when we got to the airport where we were going, he just was so tired, so hungry and so done. He just sat down on the ground and refused to move and get in the Uber So, ah, the vacations as a family are definitely different, like hotel rooms. I can't even think about a hotel room without thinking about our son just stomping loudly across the ground over and over again, like screaming at lungs and what that's doing to the poor people underneath us. So thank goodness for our friends with vacation homes and Airbnb. Yes. Shout Out Megan and Mike, yes!
Leif: Yeah, for sure, for sure, and then trying to wrestle him and calm him down when he's just enjoying being in a new place. Yeah, realizing, hey, there's two double beds that can jump from and to and, you know, bounce around, roll under six pillows and, yeah, and that'll work, hopefully, what he remembers and not, not me trying to catch him and tackle him down to the ground and put him in bed.
Collette: I know, I think it's his enthusiasm is really good for us, like I do think he is our teacher, and he's bringing things into our lives that we actually needed but we didn't even know. And his like his enthusiasm and drive and kind of positive attitude most of the time is just amazing thing to have every single day to wake up to,
Leif: Yeah, yeah, not quite as early as we have to
Collette: No, I wish it was more like nine,
Leif: Yeah, I am thinking about the time and when, when he gets older and has snuck out for the night wants to sleep late, I'm gonna be walking through with the wooden spoon and a pan banging on it to get him up out of bed.
Collette: You better believe it, and I'm going to be a spy. I have no shame in my game with surveillance parenting. I will have tracking devices. I have no doubt like I'll be tune up somehow, hopefully. Okay, so we were going to talk about your most powerful feedback, and I know that you had thought of a work experience, and I don't know if this conversation has changed anything for you, but I'd love for you to share your story. And if you don't mind, you know I love this, if you could share in the first person, like it's happening right now. Like say, tell us where you are, tell us what's the situation is, what you're feeling. Okay, okay. All right.
Leif: Into character, yeah. So my first real job. I was 22 just out of college, just out of a management training program, and I had written a couple of documents. And mind you, this was back in the mid 90s where people, we even had managers, didn't have computer. Viewers on their desk that didn't want them on their desk.
Collette: But you still had the same email address, right?
Leif: Yes, AOL, grandfathered in. No, this was back when I was working with so I had written a couple of documents. And again, you know, you remember those days where people could do the outline font and word, and you looked at them like they're special. They really know what's going on. Meanwhile, I had no clue. I was just too poor to go out and eat lunch with everybody, so I just stayed and worked on the computer during lunch break. So I'd written a bunch of, or not a bunch, two or three documents, and then got lauded by the management team there, and then one of the managers, Peggy wins, shout out to Peggy called me into her office and said, Hey, I want to talk to you. And you know, I came spider and thinking, Oh, she wants to compliment me on another great job, just like everybody else did, because I figured out the difference between point 12 and point 14 font. So she pulled out my document, and it had red marks all over it, and questions and exes, and obviously I was thinking that maybe Peggy is off her meds, you know what's going on. So she proceeded to give me feedback on it had been six or seven points on this one and a half page document that I had either misstated or had made assumptions on things that weren't, weren't correct and or didn't address the process. So I remember sitting there, and I remember that warm feeling kind of all over my body, and then thinking it was coming up to my ears, that because I had gone in there really proud and with a big head, and then I was completely deflated. And she, I think she recognized that, and she said, You know, I'm giving you this feedback because I think you are very smart, and I think you've done a great job. I just want you to do better. And I remember that. I remember she's wearing a white blouse. I remember all the in the way she gave the feedback. It was direct. It was right. You know, looking back at it, it was 100% right. I had made assumption, long assumptions, you know, I didn't have process right. And she was able to do it in such a way. And then the disarming part, where she knew it was damaging my ego, and she and she gave me the message in such a way that that it was not completely deflating, where I wouldn't give her a document anymore. In fact, I would, I think for a couple of years, I would take most of my stuff to her, and she would take the time and help and give feedback. So and a great, great resource, great friend, great mentor. And really owe a lot to her, because she's was able to not just, you know, slap me on the back. And she could have easily just said, Oh, this idiot is going to keep writing these moronic documents. And but she took the time and made the effort, and I really now can thank her, and did have an opportunity to tell her how much I appreciated her leadership and friendship.
Collette: Oh, I love that story. Leif, it's so it sounds like it was just a giant swing for you from coming in thinking that you're going to be praised for the great job you did, and then seeing this piece of paper with all the red marks and x's and question marks, and, you know, getting embarrassed. And so how did you How long did it take you from making the switch of kind of that embarrassing feeling to actually being able to appreciate what she was saying?
Leif: She that's, I think that's where she had a her special sauce was she was able to look at me, and she used to tease. She had a son my age. She used to like, you're just like my son. And she's like, I wish my son listened as much. And I would tell her that I get paid. I have to listen to her. So we would joke about it. But I think it was actually right then, because she was able to look at me and say, Hey, I'm not, you know, and kind of not stroking my ego. But I realized she wasn't trying to damage it and trying to hurt. She was actually trying to help, yeah, so I think it was right then. I mean, we literally walked out of the conference room. I can remember the walk and her office was here. Year, and we walked and she called me in, and, you know, I was getting the pats on the back. And so it went from here to here, but it was the best here.
Collette: That's good. So let me ask you this, did you then Leif, did you ever kind of, did it reset your norm about where your ego was in that job, like, did it reset you to hear or did you, did you go back kind of to that elevated place?
Leif: Yeah, I think it was kind of like a helium balloon. And I think that's the best analogy. You know, I would get up and I think she Peggy would realize I was getting a little too high and yank on the string. So, yeah, I think it did it. I mean, it was very it was a male dominated management team. I think Peggy and then one HR manager were the only women. And it was a startup. We combined two DCS went on to one system. So it was very, very stressful. And again, I mentioned it was, there wasn't, there wasn't an AI component or a chat bot. I couldn't go to chat GPT and ask, So, I mean, we so you would do things, and the leadership would be like, oh, gosh, he Yeah, he split the atom. So you would feel that, and it was good feeling. And then her feedback, and I had a colleague and a couple of colleagues, they were like, don't go talk to Peggy. And I don't know why it may have done lock or just the way that she struck me, but I just realized the only way to get ahead, and it was to get her feedback as it was salient, and she had a the right motor, because she wanted the facility. The facility was her baby. She had done a lot of the system stuff so, so yeah, it was, it did go up and down, but I think she, she also knew when to kind of pull that core down, or she would congratulate and and on things that, you know, records that our team set, or whatever, she would know when to give that positive feedback as well.
Collette: Yeah. And it sounds like she made it really clear that her concern was not only for the business, but for you like that. She saw potential in you.
Leif: Yeah, for sure, for sure. And I think that was the you've talked about disarming, you know, you I could definitely feel that genuine feedback. You know, you get people that that just give you feedback about stuff, and it's, you can tell they have an ulterior motive, or they're not, but I'm, I could tell that she was 100% on my side, yeah, and it's there to help. So, yeah, I gotta reach out to Peggy. Maybe she'll see this pop it on LinkedIn. She should send it to her. She's long since retired, but she's, yeah, she's, she's definitely somebody I thought about, right, when you mentioned about coming online. Oh, she, was good, yeah, and it was good because it was also tough to, you know, you talked about those crucial conversations and the things that you've got to have to to develop that she didn't really have that with me, because she had been out of the office for a while. So it was, it was really but again, her just her personality and her genuineness came through.
Collette: Yeah, so how have you as a leader, taken that, or have you and kind of paid it forward, applied it for other people,
Leif: Yeah, I think, yeah, just trying to be, especially when you've got to ask someone to redo stuff, and, you know, kind of look at things from a different way. I think, being able to empathize. Because I know I've said it more than once that, hey, I've been in your chair, and you know, some my boss was telling me to redo this, and don't think he or she knows what they're talking about. So try to disarm a little bit, but also being direct one with the feedback and make sure and I think the final thing is just either the end of the conversation or another conversation. Just make sure, hey, are we all clear? Do you understand? Just so they if it is something that that maybe it's taking them a second to digest, then give them an opportunity to express anything after they've had a chance to calm down.
Collette: Yeah, and kind of respecting that emotional curve that inevitably happens for most people when you get called into a feedback conversation, right?
Leif: Right? Because there I know I'm not as empathetic as Peggy and is in tuned and adapted getting that feedback so it it might take people, people might be on a different journey than me. Yeah.
Collette: So how does that work with us? Like, how does it work when you know I have feedback for you, I don't necessarily give you, like a ramp up, it just kind of comes. How do you deal with that feedback?
Leif: Oh, I think with you. I mean, I guess using the pay you Dan, I know it's coming from a place of wanting to help. And you say it a lot. You're like, I'm not saying this to beat you up. And I think initially you talked about how our relationship has grown. I think initially I would have been like, Here she's about to give me a left hook on this.
Collette: Right. I think so.
Leif: But maybe over the years, over time, and that medicine that you've been giving me in my food every morning, I know it's coming from a genuine place. And it's not from a place of, hey, I want to beat you down or so. It's, it's, yeah, I know it's coming from a good, good place so, and I don't always take it initially, but I can't think of a time where it's been something that hasn't, at least had some impact and caused a shift, maybe even a minor thing. But yeah, it's definitely coming from a genuine place.
Collette: I think you've realized over the years too, how, even though I am the person who, as Lois says, beats the rug out every single day, nothing hides under that rug. But it's not because that that gives me happiness, it it's out of it's a stress response, you know, to bring everything into the light. And so I think you've seen now that we've been married as and together as long as we have that there is a cost. For me, it's not like an enjoyable experience. For me,
Leif: Yeah, yeah, just like camping, yeah, it's not enjoyable.
Collette: Camping is an enjoyable experience. This is not an enjoyable experience,
Leif: Okay, this is more enjoyable than camping.
Collette: Oh, no way. No way. Okay, so we are almost out of time. I want you to tell me what, what is the best thing that's happening for you and for us right now?
Leif: Ah, I think for us, it's, I never thought I wanted to work from home, and I like that wallpaper, by the way, thanks. But I think it's, it's helped our relationship and that, yeah, I know I come to your office probably more than what I think it can helps us more communicate. I think we're able to level set and again, I never, I'd always enjoyed going to an office just to be able to get there and feel like I could leave it. But I think I was just kidding myself. As you don't, you don't leave it. I mean, there's constantly things bouncing around. I think that's been good. I think, you know, as is, I want a contract opportunity now. So, you know, depending on what happens in the future, I don't think I would be as as adverse of working at home having for as adverse to working at home just because of kind of what we've been able to work out? Yeah, now, I think the second thing is, is obviously with your business and it really growing legs, I think that's exciting. I know that's something that it's always good to be a part of but kind of feel like I'm from the sidelines a little bit and helping you and seeing that you're seeing your vision come to to light. I mean, I've heard you, I guess, going from saying it's been my two year baby, now it's my three year baby. So I'm anxious for you to, you know, really get, kind of grow legs with the business and achieve what you're what you've been dreaming about. Yeah, and I guess the third thing is with, with Christian, you know, obviously going into second grade. And. And I think it's going to be good. The social thing. We're excited for him on, oh, we don't have to worry about him being a social butterfly, but being in a in a environment where he can flourish and cassette, it's almost exponential. You know, the things that he's picked up, his reading, his comprehension is listening to daddy saying bad words. But I think he's it's neat to see that growth and selfishly, having him really be in enthralled with football, so we'll be a combined fantasy football.
Collette: I know that's so cute that you guys are doing that together. I'm so glad you have that. And you know, I so I'm going to go to thank you for sharing yours. So I think for us, it's, you know, you had your accident last year, and for those listening, we felt 20 feet off a ladder with a chainsaw in his hand directly onto the ground. And it's really miraculous that he didn't have brain damage, spine damage. He had a lot of damage, but it's been repaired, and he's walking after being in a wheelchair for a couple of months last year. So, you know, it was really intense. And I'm just grateful for what we have, you know, for our family, for our home, for our friends, for our partnership. And, yeah, I'm very, very grateful. And then our the business, like you mentioned, I keep trying to drag you into the you said you're on the sidelines. You know, I don't do sports references, but I'm just going to say, I keep trying to pull you onto the field. Help me out. No, but it wouldn't be possible without you like we have made a lot of sacrifices in our family for this dream and for this business, and you've been really, really amazing about it. So I'm really grateful for that. And then the last is, our kid is so cool. He just is. He's smart, wise, funny, fun, you know, she's just so cool and so huh,
Leif: Loud.
Collette: Yes, he is loud. But I don't I'm so excited to see how he continues to become his self and like how we can help support him and help bring that along.
Leif: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Collette: I love you.
Leif: Love you.
Collette: Thank you everyone for joining us, and thanks for family and friends. This is episode 11. We only have one more left in season one. Next episode will be our last, and thank you for joining us. No, you're not the season finale. Sorry. Bye.
